The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
