NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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