these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
