yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize