Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
