Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
