My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
