if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
