I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
