some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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