don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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