if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
