Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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