I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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