So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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