I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
