I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
