Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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