yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize