i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
