What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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