i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
