you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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