the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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