If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
