Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize