I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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