He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
