I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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