the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
