I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
MIDGETS
????
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
