just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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