didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize