somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
