and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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