everyone is single if you try hard enough
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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