did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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