I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
