i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
