Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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