My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
