Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
