idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
