how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
