Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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