We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
