quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
