I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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