gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize