Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
