Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
