I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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