I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
