You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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