YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
