just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's blow job season.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
