The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
