Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
