I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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