just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
