you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
