the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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