you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
