"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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