i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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