Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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