Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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