i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize