1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
